Satire | AC Control Bill, 2025

Be it enacted by Parliament in the 76th year of the Republic of India as follows:

1. Short title, extent and commencement

1. This Act may be called the Ease of Cooling (Regulation and Control) Act, 2025.

2. It extends to the whole of a residential property’s super built-up area, and area encroached using flower pots.

3. It shall come into force on such date as any air-conditioner (AC) is appointed to serve in a residence.

2. Definitions

In this Act, unless the context otherwise requires:

a. ‘Individual resident’ means any government-approved ID proof such as Aadhaar card, voter ID or PAN, preferably linked to a carbon-based life form.

b. ‘Permissible Temperature Range’ (PTR) means 20-28 degrees Celsius.

c. ‘Temperature Rakshak Sangh’ (TRAKS) means any volunteer group of vigilantes, including WhatsApp uncles and retired gau rakshaks, equipped with government-issued thermal scanners.

3. Statement of objects and reasons

Whereas it has been observed that the State has been cutting hundreds of thousands of trees, destroying lakhs of acres of forests, promoting air pollution to 999 AQI, allowing dumping of waste in rivers, and defending India’s entitlement to its rightful share of carbon emissions, it becomes the responsibility of ordinary citizens to carry the burden of fighting climate change by reducing personal energy consumption through judicious use of AC. The Act aims to promote a climate-friendly approach to perspiration management and put more money in the hands of citizens by reducing their electricity bills.

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4. Mandatory provisions for thermal discipline

1. All AC manufacturers and retailers shall ensure that:

a. Temperature controls are configured to prevent manual setting outside the PTR.

b. Customers complete Know Your AC (KYAC) formalities before taking possession of AC.

2. Individual residents, at the time of AC installation, must download DigiTapMan app and create an account using Aadhaar.

3. All the OTPs emitted to log into DigiTapMan shall end with the digits ‘37’, as a continual reminder to irresponsible idiots who like their AC at 16-17 degrees Celsius, that their body’s default setting is 37 degrees Celsius.

5. Enforcement and penalties

1. Any TRAKS vigilante can enter any house, including the bedrooms, bathrooms, kitchen, and the utility area that has no utility except as a potty zone for pigeons, to inspect the ambient temperature and the cooling devices installed.

2. TRAKS vigilantes are authorised to enter an AC-enabled home at any time of the day or night, and if they find either that the AC settings have been tampered with, or the ambient temperature is outside the PTR, or if the residents are found to be not sweating at all, then they shall:

a. Seize all non-compliant equipment.

b. Have the option to seek voluntary donation to a political party of their choice, in exchange for letting the offender go scot-free.

3. First-time offenders not permitted to go scot-free shall spend 72 hours buried neck-deep in a vat of cow dung, so that they learn the power of India’s ancient cooling systems and incorporate it in their homes.

4. Repeat offenders shall have their ACs remotely set to ‘fan mode’ for seven years, with the duration of punishment for each repeated offence increasing in geometric progression.

5. Any law enforcement official who confuses arithmetic progression with geometric progression shall be punished with 17 years of rigorous imprisonment and a fine of ₹51.

6. Appeals

1. Individual residents aggrieved by an order passed under this Act may, within 30 days, 13 hours, 27 minutes and 17 seconds from the date of such order, prefer an appeal before an Appellate Authority as may be notified by the Central Government.

2. The Appellate Authority shall hear the appeal within 15 days of the date of first marriage of any of the complainant’s great-great-grand-children.